The life of a … whatever I am … is a quiet thing.
Today, I went for my daily walk with the two salukis (desert dogs) who live with me, up a hill that opens up to a pretty outrageous view of the ocean and rolling hills before it. I spend lots of money buying them food and taking them to the vet, when they need that and I have to crowbar myself into “care taking” mode in the form of “walks”… They RUN, while I wheeze up the hill adjacent to our new home.
While walking I “heard” the title, Listening to Source. What’s that about… ? Then, a bit later, “turn” so I did and walked off the trail to the edge of the hill where I just stood there until I “heard” … look left.
A huge deer bounded away from where me and the two salukis were standing. I prayed that they stay put and not follow the stag, but I was struck with it’s incredible mass and beauty.
For the past 10+ days I’ve been drinking only lemonade, made with grade B maple syrup and cayenne… so much quiet and peace with that, where usually, not eating makes me nuts. Without the extra effort of digestion, I got clearer and clearer.
Surrender is the name of the game right now for everyone. “On your knees” devotion to serve truth is what’s happening for lots of us, regardless of solar flares and full moons, we’re having a time of it.
For two years I lived in a place where I was having to adjust – but didn’t really know that. I thought that the Universe would help me find a place, but nothing was showing up. Two years!
That’s a long time to chill out and my husband almost sprung a leak, he was so uncomfortable living there. I’d listen to him just taking a shower and feel for him. Banging and swearing as his elbows got bruised washing his feet. Then, invariably the towel rack would clatter to the floor when he got out because there wasn’t any room to move in the fucking bathroom…
Then… the skys opened up and we got a call about a house in exactly the area we’d wanted to live. The people who own the house are on the east coast for awhile and need tenants. We signed up.
The house that we are living in is HUGE, trimmed out with gorgeous wood, stone and surroundings that amaze me. Hawks constantly fly overhead, calling and soaring. A creek wanders by and I can watch it all day long out my front windows.
I saw, see, sioux this place in my heart – oh, many years ago – Frankly, because I’ve been unable to cultivate loads of money over the years of raising kids, it remained a dream and not something that I thought I could have so quickly. Rather, a place I’d live years from now. Yet here we are, living in a house that is very similar to our dreams. Makes me that much more aware of how the Universe is far more creative than I’ll ever be.
Imagine, living at but not being 100% responsible for a property offers freedom, while also offering a lifestyle that I don’t have the logical ability to manage. Again, only something greater than my own little brain could create that from my dream.
Of course there has been something I have to do in return. I have to deal with THE APPARITION (ta ta dum) that’s been here for a long time. The nasty, yuckiness that’s attached itself to the owner of this place (and it’s not some romantic Native American spirit like he thought) has been a bit of a pest, but nothing too awful and so far that seems to be the only downside.
You know, I’ll take it.
Surrendering to Source is not the easiest activity for us. We are all aligned to the fantasy that we are in control, but we’re not. Not even a little. Those who just let go of the mental constructs about how life should proceed have a much more comfortable life… but it’s not easy.
For years, my clients would be full of beliefs or agreements that we cleared out, making room for clarity. Now, most of my clients are clean and clear, but struggling with letting go of that last little bit of themselves to surrender to truth.
It’s painful, that transition and so worth the effort. Tears are good, watching movies or reading to distract is also good. You can’t really stop the flow of surrender at this point, it’s breathing you – not the other way around.
Still, I do feel for my sweet clients… I’ve been there – a few times – but significantly just a few years ago. The final release was really rough for me too. But I’m here to say that it’s worth the pain and heartbreak I felt, as now I am content and peaceful being a servant to Source.
I really am.