None of us seem to be completely immune to the clown show this election has delivered, which is not actually funny, but frightening. In a country where “family values” has been paraded around for years as the meter and method for living, the political party that trumpets the “family value” card has a man running for the office of the President who is the opposite. For as long as I’ve known of him, he has ALWAYS shown up as someone who takes whatever he wants without apology and doesn’t seem to be able to live by human values or decency standards, much less family ones (this has become glaringly obvious and factual, not merely political heresay, positioning or even just my opinion). His campaign has been worse than troubling.
His opponent has been vilified, accused of all kinds of treasonous things, held accountable for her husband’s behavior and regardless of her lifelong commitment to public service she is considered ineffective, a murderer, a liar and a cheat. After some determined searches to uncover why she is considered an outright monster, my belief is she made some big mistakes in her long career, but she is being held to a much higher standard of professionalism BECAUSE she’s a woman. This article was eye opening and is focused on more current accusations against her. Read that and then talk to me.
Do I believe she would be a good leader? Quite possibly, but I also believe she’ll be crucified by the other side, no matter what she does if elected.
We have two individuals from very different backgrounds, going head to head to win the Presidency & after months of this spectacle, most of us are exhausted. As of last week, most women (and many men) are reeling and nauseated. Many of us are experiencing flashbacks involving recovered memories and crippling shame in relation to events in our lives that we have buried. My personal experience of sexual and personal degradation was persistent through out my early years. The other persistent experience was that NO ONE listened me about it, so I stopped saying much.
My father knew, after the fact, when he pompously told me that rape was an almost impossible crime to prove (he was a lawyer at one time). I asked him if he would feel differently is one of his 7 daughters was the victim. He said, well he’d have to consider it differently then. So I said, “Start considering”.
My first husband, he knows, because we found out that if he reached over to me while I was sleeping there was a good chance I’d either hit him, or launch sideways out of bed in terror.
My sons know because I told them; I may have forced them to listen so they would have some idea how women feel. My desire to raise thoughtful men was one good outcome for all that bullshit…
My current husband knows because he was raised in a family where there wasn’t a sense of his mother being “less” then his father. They both worked, they both tended to he and his sister. Things were balanced in his life. Because he didn’t really understand why I was such a staunch, unblinking feminist, the back story of my personal experiences helped him see what the difference between being a privileged, white man, and an “any color, woman” was.
What I didn’t talk about was; the time I stumbled onto a man doing his business (messing with himself) between parked cars by the library (I was 13). Didn’t say anything when my swimming coach seduced my best friend during practice (we were both 14, he was almost 30). Didn’t say anything when riding my bike home from practice and a car full of men pulled over and made fun of my big (muscular) legs. Didn’t say anything when my typing teacher took my friend into the closet to molest her after class (she was 16 and left school, never came back and I have NO idea what happened to her. The rest of us had to keep going to class for 6 more months with that same teacher). Didn’t say anything when a paramour of my mother’s cornered me and gave me a disgusting, old man sloppy kiss (I was 16). As to my more violent experiences; I didn’t report those either. My experiences were repeated and awful, but I kept believing & thinking… they were somehow my fault;
“If I hadn’t gone out on that date and complained of a headache, he never would’ve given me that drug.”
“If I hadn’t been so scared and run away, my boyfriend wouldn’t have hurt me so bad…”
“If my boobs weren’t so big, guys wouldn’t make fun of me or try to grab them… ”
ON and ON and on… and on. The reason women are coming out of the closet now is because we now realize that we were never alone, even though we always felt that way.
We’ve found out that there’s a world full of traumatized women and many are reliving their worst nightmares right now because of this man we have to see in the news, DAILY, happens be a lot like the abusive, hateful, entitled assholes we have all had to deal with. Then, adding insult to injury, our fellow citizens… our sisters, even… still want him to be our country’s leader!
Millions of women have suffered from domestic violence, rape, assault, being groped and pushed around. We’ve are often blamed for it, too. And we have felt the shame of sexism since before we were old enough to bear children. For as long as I can remember, it’s all been considered “no big deal”, or that we were over reacting… it’s just how men are, or as Trump said, just your run of the mill “locker room talk” and we’re just a bunch of wimpy whiners.
To top that off, we are silenced. Repeatedly.
Without possessing a penis, I can’t imagine that men would appreciate having their private part grabbed by a female stranger, or if he got really drunk and a woman took him behind a dumpster, took his clothes off and tried to penetrate his butt… he may feel violated.
Maybe they’d like it… but most of the men I know would be really freaked out! So, that’s why you keep hearing us ask why its ok to do to women?!
Listening to the various news clips, audio recordings and reading the commentary about all this has definitely messed up my inner calm and forced me to take a new approach to how much it hurts to be treated that way.
Probably much worse than all of that, is how accustomed & numb I have been to it.
Much like how we adjust our movements in order to function when our physical body is wounded , I’m very aware of all the small and large adjustments I’ve had to make to be productive in my life. Currently I’m limping around, feeling stunned, crying at nothing and generally acting like I’m suffering from PTSD. The constant avoidance of pain that’s gone on internally for the bulk of my life, is no longer buried… & it does hurt – a lot! Honestly I’m moving between outrage and joy.
Outrage that I have felt so compromised for such a long, long time. Joy that I can release the pain and heal. Finally!
None of us are victims, but most women have felt like it at one time or another and pretty much expect to be treated like just a ‘piece of ass”.
This election is kind of like an enema for the world. Collectively we’re experiencing a good deal of expulsion and the horrible discovery of the vile, infectious & putrified contents of our nation’s inner workings. My prayers are that this major “shit” is thorough and we actually start making significant changes in our world, rather than become collectively complacent and ignore it all over again.
There are millions of people in this country; a truly diverse display of humans. All colors, beliefs, religions and lifestyles live here, yet a loud and obnoxious egocentric group wants us to believe that only a few of our number matter. Of course, this can’t be true and if so, will that mean that we must follow new laws. Laws that disregard our individual rights for expression or ones that discount our personal value!!?? With the publication of Nate Silver’s article about how women voters are defeating D.T., his supporters began screaming about getting rid of the 19th amendment (that’s the one that gave women the vote). Whoa! Seriously!?
There are people here, right now, who want something like that!? What would be the next thing they’d get rid of – or add?
What really shocked me was reading some of the comments on social media and specifically the commentary about the19th Amendment subject. The consistent use of foul, demeaning, horrible language in expressing their views was staggering, but worse was how personal they were. Comments that were not just cruel and lewd, they were specifically directed at the person sharing the original post.
This seems to indicate there’s a fairly large portion our population who thrive on hatred and vitriol and now have a platform where all manner of ugliness is allowed, encouraged and actually getting a lot of air time – like their leader. Not a shred of respect or intelligence was present for 89% of the people commenting, many of them women but definitely a lot of men.
Seen through the lens of universal awareness it’s glaring that we are being forced to face up to a few things.
- the divine feminine is a threat (as are women) and it (we) need to be silenced
- all people ARE NOT created equal under current world standards
- power is more important than truth
These are all ego driven perspectives. When we are anchored in our soul we aren’t prone to believing these emotions at all. But here they are. Bold, unflinching & hate filled commentary about basic human rights, are now being lauded as truth. Currently and because of the ongoing, persistent and tyrannical views being expressed through and to us, we just cannot ignore how the world has been operating.
We can get angry, lash out, respond in kind or we can learn how to become spiritual warriors.
The word “democracy” (from the Greek) literally means “rule of the commoners”. In this country, the principles of truth and equality are written in both the Declaration of Independence and our Constitution, but in some ways we are still trying to perfect the ideals of those men who initiated this country. Regardless of our childlike beginnings as a country, most of the world does look towards the United States as an example of something.
Right now, we have become an example of “what not to do”.
And as to religion… Frankly, I don’t believe that it matters what your religion is, NONE of them are about hatred. The male dominated & political interpretations of religions are, but not the essence. At the root of all religions, there is a thread of tremendous similarity; “The Golden Rule, Love Thy Neighbor, Speak Truth, It is More Blessed to Give than to Receive, As Above, So Below, etc. etc. These principles are shown to be common to all religions.
No matter what you believe, in terms of the practice, It all comes back to love.
Being a warrior is exemplified by millions of people living amongst us now. They signed up to defend and protect our country and have offered up their lives, inner peace and health to do so. They are not whiners, they follow orders and show up for things most of us would never do. They don’t do this for recognition, but because they feel called to. They do this regardless of the fact that they won’t be provided for or given much more than lip service about how appreciated they are once their tour (or tours) of duty are up.
A spiritual warrior is similar… but rather than having the order come from a superior or general, orders come from inside. From a much deeper wisdom. A spiritual warrior is someone who understands the difference between the ego and the soul. They first try to ask questions rather than simply making “right/wrong” judgments or statements. They strive to be all that they are, not what others want them to be. They learn how to master the tendency to go along with what’s normal or even expected, and strive always for the truth instead. Generally, they are not very popular, because they rub a lot of people the wrong way. Still, they tend towards humility and are often simply committed to serving others. They don’t take as much as they give, they don’t ask for recognition for what they do, and many have lost their health or their lives pursuing this calling.
And, all of them do not use violence to get their point across.
Their only weapon is persistent, consistent, determined, unfailing and unconditional love.
As we move through this time, uncovering the deep and infected wound of disregard and hatred the spectacle of the U.S. 2016 Presidential election is stirring up, some of us are compelled to be bigger creeps, more hateful and intensely angry.
Some of us are being inspired to be the opposite.
A spiritual warrior means you don’t bite back when someone spews all over you. It also means you speak up, even if you offend some of the people you may care for and definitely a lot you have no obvious relationship with. A spiritual warrior remembers that there’s the fine line between preaching and sharing, but warriors keep trying to get a message out with love. (Love does not always mean being nice, either).
They ask themselves … “who am I being?”, rather than analyzing “what’s wrong with him/her?”
They remember they are not better than anyone; even that ignorant, fearful, angry neighbor over there. Remembering that helps them to ask the question, “What would love do, now?”
“Love” takes her hand off the hot stove and gets away from it. Nothing said will change anyone’s mind unless they want it to changed, so she stops trying to do that. She draws a firm line in the sand about what she is willing to endure, no longer sticking around for abuse from anyone. She states her position if necessary and then stops talking and moves away.
We are strongest when we notice what’s going on & adjust ourselves so there’s some space between us and an aggressor. There’s really nothing that’s accomplished by screaming at someone and yelling in their face. That is less intense than standing away from them and calmly pointing all your energy towards them, using simple words and being 100% clear about where you stand. Then you leave.
Remember the last debate when Trump stalked Hillary with menace. That was scary to me. He didn’t do his normal blustering, ugly, interrupting, yelling thing but just glared at her back and used his energy body to get his message across.
Rather than being menacing, take the same stance and express your true weapon of truth, love and compassion… with a little distance.
Courage is required to speak up, but it’s worth it. Just look at the comments Michelle Obama got for the viral video of her speech in New Hampshire last week. A lot were wonderful, but there were more that were just awful. And regardless of her position, she’s suffered from this treatment for years, knows it will occur and said it all anyway.
Michelle’s speech offered an excellent example of what love does. She was not just being political in that speech, she was impassioned, powerful, emotional and very, very much a human. Less a politician in that speech than I’ve ever heard her. She shook me up and lit a fire in my belly, reminding me of how things are for women and made me feel things I didn’t want to remember, much less relive.
My greatest desire is to stop feeling stunned and raw. For now, I just want the imagery to stop, the heart racing to slow, the dry eyes to moisten up and my sleep to be peaceful… I want to wake up with joy again and have an easy time in my meditations, rather than hearing all the negative self talk that is regurgitating itself right now.
It’s not fun, but healing usually isn’t. My greatest succor is that I have millions of companions in this particular recovery… the world community of women who have a similar story to my own.
Love steps up, takes a position, doesn’t get personal, remains direct… and never ever stops. Love is the world’s heartbeat and behaves the same way. Relentless, persistent, consistent and true.
Goddess bless us, God bless us, Earth bless us, Moon bless us, Muhammad bless us, Buddha bless us, Shakti & Shiva bless us, White, Green, Red Tara bless us, Jesus bless us, Mama bless us…
Please bless us all so that we can rise up in our full colors, without apologizing or shrinking away. That we can heal this gaping hole in our world sooner, rather than later.
Months go by before I make the time to write here. Actually I seem to be unwilling to write much of anything, lately. Life is full, growth is happening and it leaves little time for this, or even thoughts of any real import for something published.
Still, I will make an effort today. There is much to relate having to do with what is happening for us, here on this beautiful planet. The ‘what is happening’ according to news, or science, or popular culture is not the nature of my work here. Rather, my work is steeped in a much broader perspective, one that I find to be far more comforting than what I consider to be the human perspective. In fact, most of the time I’m left with a sense of utter confusion about how we humans do things.
Several weeks back, in the midst of working a lot on our property, the news of yet another shooting was felt. I say “felt” because I often feel things before I know anything. It’s for this reason that I often just keep going with life, rather than stopping to inquire about what it is that I’m doing praying for unknown people. Clearly, the news that does bubble through at times is staggering, but I know that all that is happening was already communicated in a way without the particulars.
The Change of Times is definitely upon us and frankly, we’ve lived and thrived through many times where it appears that we have come to a significant and exquisite place of change. A place where we must not ignore the signs and still we do. We ignore everything we are shown. Repeatedly.
The news hits us. Some become activated, but most remain the same. We worry about things like whether the phone will work, what celebrity is cheating on their wife or husband, what we have in our bank account, if we drive a cool enough car, the state of the stock market … These issues remain primary subjects in the news. Our personal news and news that means nothing in the long run. Even issues with who will be the next president trumps all this obvious strife.
On a personal note and even though I spend most of my life working on easing the pain in others’ lives, there can be things that, no matter how much I work on cultivating peace around me as well as in my heart, I am unsuccessful at healing. Some of the people involved are related by blood or marriage, but I remain unable to heal those wounds in any significant or obvious way. You would think that it would be easy, but it’s not. It requires mutual consent and desire to be thorough with resolutions to resolve differences. What is clear to me is that I am only able to shift my own perspective. WE are all powerless to change any one other than ourselves.
We can pray for it, want it desperately and become a model of peace in the world, but all that effort will only shift the person willing to see themselves honestly and adjust, amend and forgive everyone and everything that has injured or hurt us.
My life is usually anchored in the remote high desert of Arizona, but today I’m basking in the beauty of Maui with a few of my children and their families. For many years, this was a haven of peace for all of us, but more recently it’s changed a bit. The changes are relative to outside influences, but influences that are very close to my children’s lives. I’ve learned that it matters not a bit what may have been done to soothe relations with others. If anyone chooses to live in the past & relate to the current ‘now’ from years ago hurts, nothing will shift much. Sure, there will always be fun times, but essentially if there isn’t a significant amount of accountability by all people in a family, what will emerge are “camps”. The elusive “right and wrong” will constantly be thrown around and nothing much changes.
If a family of people – all kind and willing to be loving – find they can’t resolve things, how do we expect to do that on a broader plane? It’s ridiculous to harbor anger towards others. We all know that, but still it’s a common and insidious response humans have.
If you believe that our government can change laws to make things right, you are misguided. If you believe that conducting another bloody war on something, someone or another country will affect positive change, you are further misguided. It is only being 100% committed to finding and living in the truth of your being that you can find peace in the world. And it means that many more of us will have to refocus on that for anything obvious to change in our world. Injustice is common. Cruelty prolific. Peace is terribly elusive, but it’s around.
We do become complacent because we all just keep on going. Life keeps being lived and we wander from one activity to another, essentially dulling the pain we feel about the state of the world, but we are even complacent our own pain. “Someday I’ll deal with that” may be your mantra, but right now is the best time to address it.
If you are living in a relationship where you behave with anger and hurtful methods, how do you think your life is going to be? If you feel comfortable judging others for their lifestyle or choices, how will you be an example to anyone else? If you are consistently ignoring the urging of your body to take better care of yourself, how will you live a vital life? If you become offended easily by others, how can you possibly tell yourself that you are a true activist and agent for peace?
You aren’t. You are part of the problem.
If I am not being 100% aware of who I am on the broader scale, all my “so called” spiritual awareness will do nothing to change the world because I will be limited by my mind. It’s in my commitment to be all that I can possibly be that gives me the ability to make a difference that lasts. What we are doing as a world culture will do very little and take a good deal of time. There are changes that happen over many years, but right now we are all being called out for rapid and total awareness, or I feel that we will miss something – again – that the world needs us to understand.
The earth will simply get rid of us if we don’t figure this out. She’s pretty resilient, where we are fragile little human doings. We could remember that we are beings and live more inside of the awareness that our being loving and consistent is the answer… and this is the nature of today’s post.
Wake up. At least make an effort. It will support the children we all seem to care so much about (in our best moments). To me it’s a lot of lip service unless we try to be more aware… Start inside and it’s easier to move out from there and actually make a difference in the broader world we share.
To me, living in faith means to pray for and focus on those who have hurt me, abandoned me or been cruel to me, as well as focus on what is good in my world right now. In healing myself in those specific relationships – literally using them to grow – I can really thrive. Being true to that, I have more options to heal the world and access to the spiritual muscles I’ll need to actually achieve it.
Feels like a good way to focus today… being true to my soul.
Here’s to you doing something similar…
The New Moon is an event and we wait excitedly to see the beautiful sliver of moon rising in the morning sky. It’s like a game to see when we see her wink & give heartfelt thanks for another new month. Right before that new moon, is the balsamic phase of the Moon. In years past life seemed just a bit more intense during the dark moon, and somewhat irrational. Truth be told you could say I often felt a bit “dark” myself, hopeless sometimes but always a lot less enthusiastic. Then the New Moon would happen and it did feel like things shifted… the energy moved.
On March 8th at 1:54 am GMT (5:54 PST, 4:54 MT, 3:54 CT, 2:54 ET) there will be a solar eclipse during this New Moon at 18°55’ Pisces (18 degrees, 55 minutes). Eclipses happen when the Sun, Moon, and Earth line up with each other, producing a powerful concentration of energies. What’s more, the next day the moon reaches it’s lunar perigee, meaning that it’s closest to the Earth in this month’s orbit. This is what makes for negative tides & “Supermoons”… When the usual solar radiation is blocked the electromagnetic fields of the Earth and all us little creature of the earth; humans, animals, bugs and plants get reconfigured and “rebooted”. It’s probably not as simple as unplugging an electric cord, but fundamentally it’s the same kind of event and has a very similar result.
This particular eclipse is in Pisces, meaning that it goes DEEP & works on healing everything & exposes everything. Piscean energy can genuinely open the heart because it is the sign that has everything intact within it but it can also be the opposite. Open or Shut – with not much in between… The deep knowing of Pisces is boundless, so depending on how you approach that energy the resulting experience will reflect your set point. In other words, if you are intolerant, negative, fearful, grasping, entitled… (you see where I’m heading here) – this event could heighten those feelings OR hand you some serious wake up stuff to help you get over being that limited. If you truly want to shift and become more of who you really are (meaning love in a body), this is a stellar event that can support you in opening to your soul’s purpose and healing any lingering wounds you may have.
Typically, solar eclipses mark major endings and beginnings. Wherever this eclipse falls on your natal chart is the area where something is coming to an end or something taken to the next level. (click here to learn where this lands in your life). Solar eclipses have 19 year cycles, so look back and recall what was happening in your life on March 8th, 1997. Do you remember what was going on back then? Are there any similarities to right now and if so, what needs to change? This is a good practice for the next few days… identifying who you WERE before, and who you ARE now.
During this eclipse there are a number of other planets lined up alongside the Sun & Moon dance… Mercury (mind/air), Neptune (deep emotions/water), Ceres (mother/earth), and Chiron (wounded healer) are amplifying this new moon/eclipse time. Healing and opening your heart during the eclipse is supported by the close proximity of Chiron to the Sun & Moon right now. This doesn’t mean your emotional scabs disappear, but you will see where the pain exists and start recovering the wayward parts of your soul. In turn you can implant the elements of your being that have been “unwell”, denied or buried. Keep in mind… being enlightened does NOT mean that you suddenly stop being opinionated, it simply means that you allow all parts of your universe to inform you – WHILE your heart remains open. The focus gets off the offended parts and onto the loving ones. You literally become WHOLE… (consequently, snarkiness is more of a comedic pastime than a way of being).
Most people are aware of only 4% of what’s actually going on in life because the bulk of our universe is beyond our five senses. The other 96% of life is invisible, energetic and not measurable; therefore often discounted. For example – have you ever had a “hunch” about something, but didn’t follow it. Then you found out later that the “hunch” was spot on. What about that dream you had but it seemed really unreasonable, so you didn’t do anything about it once you woke up… This is one way that helps you understand the vast nature of your ‘knowing’.
There is no failure or defeat in life, really. What’s really going on is that there’s a step here and another step there repeatedly and the combined steps have brought you to your current circumstances. This eclipse can have the affect of bringing truth into view and accountability into your broken heart. You are never a victim in your life, all of it has your personal signature involved. When you take responsibility, open your heart and allow for truth to rush in… you begin to be AWESOME!
Just think, when you know who you are – 100% and no longer make excuses or apologies for that, you can deliver your own unique kind of AWEsomeness out to others, which REALLY creates some positive momentum in your life! Rather than random acts of kindness, you will be delivering Obvious Acts of AWEsomeness!!!
This eclipse may send you reeling at first because initially you become aware of the hurts and pains that are in there… Honestly, you simply can’t be aware of your part in things, until you endeavor to be honest with yourself and exercise the willingness to choose joy over being “right”. Sometimes, people spend their entire lives blaming everything and everyone around them only to discover that in the end, none of those postures mattered at all. It is a terribly lonely place being a victim, so if you are running around with that idea… work on shifting it. It will not help you – ever.
Another amazing thing we all get to experience this week is as the Sun continues on his way, it will conjoin Chiron & Mercury connects with Neptune on March 10th, then the messenger connects with Chiron on March 17th at 21 degrees Pisces. Throughout this month, you just have opportunity after opportunity to ride the tide of cleaning up your stuff, opening your heart and practicing obvious acts of AWEsomeness, or something like that, to anchor in a new way of living your life! Listen to your inner wisdom and follow it more. You’ll find that this time opens up a space for learning how to trust that, rather than work so hard to discount it.
… Truly and if you are willing, you can finally come home to yourself and life can be a smooth, clear ocean of experience!! The storms and turbulence stop and you learn how to glide through your life with more clarity. When you lead from your soul’s purpose, rather than constantly satisfying your little ego (little boy/girl), faith becomes your flashlight, truth becomes the way. Nothing and no one knows better than your soul how to proceed in your life & your closest companion will be Source, the Goddess, Allah, Heavenly Father… the name is less important than the feeling the name brings you… which feels like peace and confidence that everything is ok.
All this stands to reason that an event in our collective galaxy has the power to change us. Just think what will happen when more people use these amazing gifts from the heavens to shift their thinking. Our collective experience can improve and all of us can make a difference.
This late afternoon/early evening (depending on your time zone) do this. Rather than rushing around and getting things done, give your self a few moments to just be. Breathe in and out. Watch and feel your heart beat and give thanks for those two miracles that are happening in your own little body (heart beats and breath moves). Determine to be healed and expect a few miracles to come. This is your time, live it and love it and start practicing your own Obvious acts of AWEsomeness.
Weeks… maybe months have gone by as I have worked on my website. The moon has waxed and waned, another grandchild was born, a number of people have laughed and cried in my life and I find myself in a place of wonder. Not the kind of stunning wonder about how remarkable life is, but the kind that has me considering how I can help others achieve peace and success.
Just yesterday a long time client was in tears because all the work she’s done to improve her life and businesses seems to be for naught. People who she’s recently employed were loudly exclaiming at her front desk how great another studio is doing while her’s is struggling. Why, if she is following truth, is it not producing consistent growth and income for her? Not only that, she learned of a recent teacher who left their studio on her own terms, is lying about why and blaming my client rather than telling the truth about her departure and that it was her choice to do so. How does all that make sense? Especially given her consistent efforts for being true to her soul?
Serving the truth of your being is not an easy road to take. Sometimes it appears that all your efforts are wrong and things are much worse for you. What you want doesn’t come easily, while you see that others are apparently thriving without anything much being implemented. We all struggle with this phenomenon. You know, the person who is stepping on others to get results and they are “winning” while you just scrape by. Or that person who has everything and complains all the time about how gnarly their life is. Tiresome and confusing… for sure.
But, wonder if I can shed some light on this. What do you need to do differently to gather up success in your life? Can I outline the steps and show you anything new in a worldly way? That’s not likely…
What is more possible is for me to show and tell you how the process of faith works. What kind of collective transition we are in right now and what’s actually really happening for soul warriors.
Firstly, if you’re reading this I’m assuming that you are, in fact, a SOUL WARRIOR. An Amazon going for the best possible outcome for your life. Secondly, I believe that a shift must occur in order for you to continue moving in the direction of your dreams without the fear and concern that can derail you so quickly.
Today… just do this. There’s a place on my new site where you can give me your name and email. Start there. Once you share that with me (and KNOW that it’s only for me to speak directly with you – I will not share your private information), you will begin to receive direct and free information about how to follow your soul’s calling, explanations as to what’s happening and how to make the positive shifts required for peace and success.
Start there… today is a good day for a new perspective. Let me help you, if I can.
Blessings to you…
Mother moon and daughter star… perfect companions.
The other day my oldest daughter ended up in the hospital with complications from her ongoing relationship with a faulty pancreas. She was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes when she was 19 years old & just beginning her life as an adult.
When this first began over 15 years ago and the attending doctor at the SF hospital told us why my girl was so sick, I remember feeling the deepest sense of powerlessness that I’ve ever felt. That says a lot, given what my life had already presented in the way of fucked up situations… It’s funny, but I don’t believe my insides have ever recovered. The distinct memory of it and the moment that I became fully present for what my girl would be facing for the rest of her life, is embedded into my cells. The sense of hopelessness was overpowering, as we looked out over the cityscape of San Francisco and held her close. We both just cried, hugged and determined to never give up. That she would remain healthy and strong, no matter what!
But, how do you resolve something that is out of your hands like that? How do you support your child to never give up, never lose hope, never stop being grateful for one more day?? Especially on those days when she’s so tired she can’t see straight, or when she just feels like shit, or the days when the pump doesn’t work or she gets an earful from the pharmacy clerk who says, “no insulin for you today! (silent message is ‘because of our bureaucratic fucking bullshit rules’)” and more bills, bills, bills to add to that stress – further complicating her condition….
You don’t ever resolve it – you learn that you have ABSOLUTELY NO CONTROL in life. Not a speck. AND you encourage your child to be tough and strong, while you pray that you have the resiliency to do what you keep telling her to do.
This go round in the hospital was completely out of the realm of normal for us, in that I live in the Arizona desert and she lives on the tropical island of Maui. Add to that, no experience and therefore, confidence in the hospital. No connection to any of the caregivers or doctors and my own rock of a man, gone for his bi-yearly climbing excursion. Shit, shit, shit.
My beautiful daughter, Chelsea Briggen… and me.
My children are the center of my life. They take up the absolute core of what makes me tick and this daughter is connected to me, no less powerfully then her 5 other siblings – so my actual body being there wasn’t a huge issue for her care… (may have been harder for me, actually). All but 1 brother just happened to be on Maui as well as her father, so she had tons of support… Incredible support at that. With technology, we got to Facetime, text, call and use social media to connect – so even though it was gnarly rough – it was also really OK.
Tears were still flowing for me during those few days, as well as the emotions of anxiety, fear, worry, anger… you name it, I felt it. And my old friend, Powerlessness washed over me like a waterfall of grief.
Today is a different day – she’s home and slowly recovering. When I was all alone and during those intense hours of her admission into the hospital and waiting for the tests, etc. I would focus on this peaceful day (my now) and kept giving my fear up this way – (see – Kyle muttering over and over to herself) … “she is held in Source’s arms, the Goddess is with her, All is well… “. I just kept seeing her healthy, vital and living a hugely amazing life…
THAT’S HOW I GOT THROUGH IT & get through all the shit that life keeps throwing at me.
Remember this. It is not the stuff that happens that creates so much trauma, it’s how we approach it. It’s in your very best interest to develop a strong relationship with Source now, so when things are wonky, you have a solid foundation to stand on.
It’s not like I was all blissed out the day she went into the hospital – quite the contrary – No, I was terrified that I would have to lose my daughter and it was NOT an easy feeling to be with. So, instead of being scared I just took that day moment by moment, continuing my practice of gratitude and an ongoing dialog with my soul and Source.
It’s hard to remember how many times I went out to my tall, tall sky and wept frightened mama tears, imploring Source to keep her whole and alive… quite a few! Then I’d pull myself together and find anything I could to be grateful for.
To say that we experienced angels that day is an understatement. The prayers and love she received from her family, extended family and dear friends is and continues to be incredible. The fullness of this mother’s heart is indescribable. Love heals everything and faith gives us the courage to continue to love – no matter what.
No matter what it is that you are facing, open your heart to the gift there and just keep on loving.
We set up a campaign to help her pay her hospital bills and give her some time to recover. If you feel you can help her in this way, please do!! Share this link with others… Please and Thank You… Blessed Be.
And always, prayers are most helpful!!
We are all inundated with information. Distraction is central to every day and having a single minded direction has to be a mental commitment rather than something needed for survival. Unless you live in a third world country, getting food and water is pretty straightforward. What that means is we could be striving for expansion and growth because most of our basic needs are met. This is not what actually occurs, is it?
If there is time to grow, opportunity to grow and the resources to grow, why are so many willing to just be average?
This is the fundamental reason for being static. Most people live with the fear of being shunned by their community if they do anything that’s different, or even a tad radical. On a personal level, this has been extremely accurate for me. My fear of being ‘found out’ informed my entire life until I was in my late 40’s! And you know what – all the care that was taken to be mostly acceptable, added up to a hill of beans. All my careful behavior and activity brought me to losing just about everything I’d created.
Being accountable for my life at that time gave me something far more remarkable than anything I could have conjured up. It gave me power. If I got myself into such a mess, I could probably dig myself out of it as well… I did, but not without a lot of humility.
There are critical moments in life where we must surrender and let something greater than our own mind define us. We have to allow for the sense of wonder to infect our choices, rather than striving to stay inside the lines and ‘think’ our way through a problem. In the vernacular most common in my life, we must allow our souls to lead us, rather than our personality. In completely letting go of the mental constructs – and if it’s a total and true surrender – magic really starts to happen. But you will have to walk through a good deal of social weirdness for this to occur.
Social media gives us all a distorted view into each others lives, which is compelling. We look at someone’s life through the lens of what it is they want us to know about them, even down to what food or drink was consumed last night. We get to know each others politics, clothing choices, social activities and deepest pain. We also get to reconnect with long gone friends, stay in touch with our families, share our businesses and celebrate all manner of successes… and for this I personally appreciate it, yet I often wonder if there’s more for us as a global community to share?
The idea of stretching past our previous successes and continuing to grow is not often present in our social circles, whether they are online or up close and personal. How many times have you been excited about something and the minute you told someone close to you about it, they rejected it – Completely? Probably lots of times… so what is the impetus for growth or moving past your current limits if that means your community shuns you?
It would have to be your personal desire to continue to grow … No. Matter. What!
The reason most of won’t do this is instinctual. Before we had corner stores and packaged food in abundance, water piped directly into our homes and climate control in our homes, we lived with no promise of survival unless we lived in community. People thrived because they cooperated and worked together to provide the fundamentals for survival. The downside to tribal life was being an individual was not acceptable. Being unique was believed to threaten the survival of the group and people were rejected for it. Being shunned by your community was akin to a death sentence, so our reptilian brain tells us it’s essential to fit in. Even now.
One of my teachers says, “your natural human instincts will not support your success, but inhibit it.” and this is absolutely true. My human instincts would not have me spend 2 hours writing and then posting this article because it will open me up to rejection. My desire to grow forces these early morning writing spells. It’s not easy at all. My natural human instincts would not encourage me to start a new business in my ’50’s because it’s ludicrous, but my desire to grow & add value does.
My challenge to you is this – pick one thing today that’s a new idea and learn about it. Just one new thing. Don’t go change anything major, just open up to something that you have a feeling about or are curious about and honestly check it out.
Ask yourself if you’ve been approached about something that you rejected – automatically. You didn’t even listen to one thing said and immediately decided it wasn’t worth your time. Maybe you even stopped responding to your friend who offered it up, out of fear that they would bring it up. If you’ve experienced something like that, go back to your friend and tell them you’re open to learning about it. Then really take it in.
What happens next will surprise you. You most likely won’t change your position on the subject, but you may. What is more amazing in this kind of behavior is the bond you have with your friend will be stronger. Likely, you will be more supportive of them, even if whatever they shared wasn’t your thing. You’ll feel true understanding and be a support person, rather than a friend who is not involved in their growth.
Everything isn’t for everyone, but we all respond positively to acceptance. What would your life be like if you just stayed with the truth (i.e. responding to new things from an informed position, rather than a knee jerk reaction), learned more about options and exercised your right to choose. You’ve lost nothing other than your compulsion to reject something.
Gifts come to us in all kinds of ways, but sometimes because we live in so much fear we leave a true gift on our porch. Bring everything inside, open it up and see what’s inside. You not only learn something new, you will be richer for the exercise of being open.
There’s that saying that goes, “a parachute never works when it’s closed”. Neither do our minds.
Years ago, I had a bunch of small children under foot and their father’s mother and her husband living with us, too. We all got along very well and our lives were full with commotion, little people’s giggles and for me, new ideas that the grandparents brought to me.
Having been raised in a typical, somewhat conservative family, being exposed to fringy sort of ideas of energy was uncommon, or better said unheard of. Most of the time, our family dialogs about our activities centered around hygiene, homework and swim practice. Rarely were the conversations about how we felt, or what we believed and nothing about spirituality or energy was talked about. Ever.
My parents were educated, Protestant and of the upper middle class. My mama was the daughter of highly educated, Danish immigrant parents (her father was a dean of English at Northwestern University and her mother a teacher in the public school system). My father’s parents were Scottish immigrants and his father became a millionaire in the candy business, after starting out a lowly salesman. He and my grandmother, who had been a nurse in Canada before moving down to Chicago, became a part of the nouveau riche. They worked hard to keep up appearances.
Manners were important to both sides of the family. Our behavior was far more important than how we felt. Church was to be attended, but religion was more of a social expectation, not so much about communing with God.
Looking back on their roots, I can understand both of my parents adhering to strict protocols of behavior. Immigrants would feel compelled to belong, right? This background would insure that we were raised so that none of my sisters or I stuck out as “weird”. The timing of my birth meant my awareness of the world occurred during the Civil Rights movement and the Vietnam War. The ‘60’s & ‘70’s were a time where radical thought was becoming more acceptable, but not completely and definitely not inclusive of the ‘energy conversation’ in my house.
Still, we did have an intelligent upbringing and conversations around the dinner table (nightly, formal affairs where I was seated to my father’s left so he could try to control me [he was a lefty]). The conversations tended to be penetrating, if not expansive… depending on how you looked at it.
During those meals I understood that people of color were just like me, that war was a waste of money and financial independence and self-sufficiency were far better than government involvement or ever receiving charity.
My parents were “true” Republicans; people who believed in less government, rather than more (not like many Republicans now who base their politics on religious beliefs). They also valued the very Democratic, President Kennedy and sincerely mourned his death. They also supported Martin Luther King and his fight for equal rights. Civil rights were more than acceptable and the ongoing war in Vietnam a travesty in their eyes… At least that is what I recall.
They showed me tolerance and the importance of using my heart and mind to define my beliefs instead of popular limitations. Still, an alternative method for understanding life was never the content of my upbringing; positions about race, religion or what happened in history were.
It was when I was no longer living at home that I found a whole new world of possibility regarding expansive thought and our energy bodies. Given that my mind always wandered into those realms, even as a child, being out of the limiting structure of my upbringing was pretty amazing. In college I started practicing yoga and learned about religions such as Buddhism, Islam & Judaism as well as Pagan beliefs and the Goddess. Astrology, the science, was introduced to my life because my mother in law’s husband was an esoteric astrologer.
With a house full of little humans, I literally had a laboratory to study astrology. Each child’s astrological chart was drawn up, literally, at the moment of their birth and Bob would explain it to me while I nursed the new baby.
Once, while in labor, he poked his head into the birthing room to encourage me to hurry up, or my baby would be a triple Gemini… which I assumed meant more work for me…My sweet daughter, obliged and came quickly …
Bob was probably right about the triple Gemini thing, as a double Gemini was plenty to contend with!
Astrology opened up so many avenues for understanding how people operated and it didn’t take me long to see how accurate it was. Where my family of origin believed astrology was something “woo woo” and not scientific, I slowly learned that it was not only definite, but gave me an ability to translate what I already knew about people and their energy into something more explainable.
What I mean is through all the years of growing up, I had a sense of things. I knew about people and what they felt, thought and even what may be about to happen to them. But, that particular gift was not a gift in my opinion, but something to hide. When I “heard” something I kept it to myself, only writing it down somewhere and never telling anyone. In time, when whatever I had sensed actually became a reality, it genuinely freaked me out. My knowing things were NOT something to be excited about and created a distance in me from others.
Most people want to fit into their community and I was no different… my family of origin had a particular structure, but my chosen family (my husband and my children) possessed a different one. There was just a tad more leeway there.
Learning how to read astrological charts was easy for me. Once I learned the properties of each planet, what the “houses” meant, how the planet’s movements affected us and how to relate or connect planetary movements, I could interpret the charts of all kinds of people.
For each person in my family, I drew up a chart and then compared each person’s with other family member’s charts. That exercise was just one of many that taught me the art of astrology. Because I was so incredibly curious, I used my sleepless nights of nursing my babies to learn about the stars.
One day, about 3 years into my study of astrology, my first-born son was banging around with his toys, launching into new kinds of play and interchanging between total tenderness with a teddy bear, to the violent attack of a block structure inside of a few moments. Bob looked at me and said, “He’s showing you what Mars AND Venus in the first degree of Aries looks like.” He was not a man of many words, so I listened when he said something. I knew he wasn’t wasteful.
It was never quite clear to me why he started to pay attention to me in relation to my curiosity about astrology. Maybe because I did so much studying on my own and asked so many questions he thought it was more than a passing interest for me. After a couple of years, he started to point things out and always related it to actual people, rather than the abstract imagery that astrology books provided.
He was a bear of a man; well over 6 feet tall with long blond hair, a beard down to his chest and hands the size of Frisbees. Bob could never sneak up on people or disappear in a crowd, but he was as kind & gentle as a lamb. A complete dichotomy to see and a rare human being… and my mentor in one aspect of my ‘becoming’.
To be honest, I do not feel that I’m really all that skilled as an astrologer but my knowledge of it and the practical education I was given (kids growing up, showing me what this or that looked like in real life), was a kind of decoy for me. Reading a chart meant I could take that container and input the vast knowledge or awareness I was wired to receive and then translate it. Made for some good readings, but as with all things I’ve done, I didn’t believe much of what I said to people and often was discounted by those whose charts I read. To this day I use astrology to understand my own life and navigate rough seas much more easily because I know it.
Lately, my life has changed – again. Now, rather than a houseful of people it’s just me most of the time. My lover is off again with our Red dog, this time, helping a friend in another town. Maddie, Kitty and I are alone in our new house, on a huge property with no one in sight. If someone drives by, it’s an event! I’m here with the tall, tall sky and a lot of time to feel my own unique feelings.
This is not easy, even for a person who thrives on time alone. Being isolated, with my only contact faulty Internet or intermittent cell reception (I can’t even get a land line here!), it’s forcing me to go deep into things, rather than be distracted.
Nothing happens in life without some deeper current of growth available. As a teacher, I HAVE to be willing to go through the stormy ocean of life with my eyes wide open. Because I absolutely trust the influences of spirit I am graced with, I follow what I feel guided to do… even if most people I have relationships with discount it. Simultaneously, the energy of the solar system is pushing on me HARD and it’s forcing me to see how vulnerable I’ve felt and move through it.
Because I am in business for myself I have reached out to others to share it. This has made me been more available to my old friends, fostering more connection with them. And there are many ‘friends’ who have gone radio silent, been unkind and some who have completely left my life.
My daily activities are life building, I read more about how to be a better person and I am actually dreaming again. I’m seeing why I was guided to do what I’m now doing in all kinds of ways. It’s hard for me, but what a gift it has proven to be. Just like learning how to read an astrological chart. Not everyone thinks that’s cool, especially when I started doing it. Now, people get all funny when they hear I’m able to read a chart. In the 80’s – not so much.
When I was a young girl, I had to discount my gifts to be a part of my family. As a young woman, I had to squeeze into further notions of who I should be to belong in my broader community. Now, it’s not possible to consider doing anything other than what I know to do. If it means my motives or intent are completely misunderstood and my person.. my very self… is discounted by others, then that’s the cost of serving the truth of my being.
It would be a lie to say that it’s comfortable that some of my closest friends are the ones who believe that I’ve become something I’ve never been; selfish, grasping and an opportunist. Even when you know that you aren’t the negatives, it’s still important to make sure. That’s the rough part… the self investigation. That’s really what makes it so hard. If I was imperious and not willing to be accountable, this journey would be a lot easier.
There’s a story about crabs in a crab trap. When one of them tries to get out of the trap, the other crabs will tear their arms off in an effort to keep them in the trap. People are just the same. People may not want you to grow, or change. Maybe it threatens them, maybe they just want their life to remain consistent with people who are like them, so finding ways out of the traps we have holding us back is not always supported.
So, what’s all this ‘talk story” about…
You are SUPPOSED to do what you are guided to do. It will take you to places that you desire and help you expand AND it’s really hard to do, even when you have a conscious, direct line to Source.
Just don’t give up on anything that’s important to you… and don’t let anyone else have a say in your actions or life. What you desire is meaningful and important, but know that there may be a cost …
Just never give up… no matter what!
Ghosting is a term used when someone you have been romantically involved with stops relating with you and they don’t say anything, they just stop taking calls, or answering texts and emails – they just go away.
Gone, without a word.
Until recently, I’d never heard of this term. Although it usually refers to romantic relations, any relationship can be handled this way! Seems that our culture abhors telling the truth, especially if it has the potential to create conflict or a difficult conversation.
Conflicts in interpersonal relationships are actually helpful. They help to define and mold relationships, assist in bringing new ideas to light and create trusting exchanges. If your friends, family and lover/partner/wife/husband can be counted on to be truthful about what he or she feels, confidence and honesty between you will be the result.
Being honest or truthful in this context (supporting positive outcomes & trust in relationships) does not refer to the abundance of ignorant, judgmental and small-minded folks who have no problem being outrageously unkind. You know, those vocal ones who make sure everyone knows how ‘right’ they are & respond to you on Facebook, Twitter and other platforms like these, with a ton of vitriol. We have plenty of that kind of ‘truth’ and I’m not referring to that.
What I’m talking about is having the kindness to tell someone, “Hey, this doesn’t work for me.”
We go to movies to watch conflict unfold and be resolved. We participate in games that force the resolution of some conflict, with the prize being the “win”. In our personal relationships, it’s quite different.
The avoidance of conflict is the cornerstone behavior of the co-dependent, the addict, the “inner child”, even the sociopath … all kinds of psychological pathologies have the behavior of avoidance at the center of the issue.
What I notice and have been personally aware of for many years, is that people – even seemingly healthy people – will not respond to you if they are afraid that what’s true for them would be upsetting for you.
Have you had this experience? Someone that you care for suddenly goes radio silent and all you hear are crickets.
Possibly the issue that your “friend” has is nothing more than a misunderstanding or a faulty opinion of you; words that were said in jest but taken literally, you have had some serious bad breath or you laugh too loud. Who knows, but all kinds of possibilities exist and without any communication what’s true is elusive.
There are times, in romantic relationship, it’s the “he’s just not that into you” thing. In a platonic relationship, where there isn’t the sexual energy to contend with and this behavior STILL occurs. Frankly, it’s a totally unreasonable way to manage maintaining a healthy friendship or even ending one.
Don’t misunderstand my point … there are times when you realize that you must disengage from someone who is possibly unhinged and/or toxic, so much so that saying anything is not a good idea. It’s when there’s a rapport and not too much drama – a relatively healthy dynamic – that speaking up and talking about things is important.
Being ‘ghosted” is confusing, weird and uncomfortable whether it’s a lover, a friend or a family member.
There are two incidents I experienced which are good examples of this, but not the only times I’ve experienced it. Two different women who were “best friends” to me, when we were close… and both suddenly left my life. One didn’t call me when she went into labor (I was set up to be her ‘doula’) and she never told me what happened. EVER. This would be about 30 years ago this occurred. We were extremely close friends… I considered her a sister, her child my daughter, her husband my dear friend. When her second child was born, I wasn’t there and never did she give me an explanation about what happened.
Eighteen years later I received an email from her and she wanted to “reconnect”. I thought about it for a few days, but ultimately declined her offer to reengage.
But, I emailed her back to tell her. No crickets for her…
Another time I had moved to a new town and met a delightful woman, who became my BFF in a short period of time. Our kids were in school together and she was a teacher for one of my little ones… We had tons in common and such a great time together. It was awesome to have met a friend so soon after moving to a new area and I looked forward to many years of friendship with her. It lasted only months. After returning from a trip away, I called her up and left a message saying “Hey, missed you!! Let’s get together!”
Nothing. Not a word. When I saw her at the school, she always rushed away and hardly spoke to me. This went on for weeks… until my husband expressed the reason for her disappearance to me. Once I understood what had happened I was no longer interested in being her friend, but what if she’d been able to save me the weeks of unhappiness and confusion by being straight with me?
Ask yourself why is it better to disappear or fade from a relationship, rather than speaking up and telling the truth? What if you got it all wrong? What if there was a misunderstanding… OR as in one of my examples, there is something that happened and are grounds for ending a relationship, but it’s done openly. What if there had been some honesty, could we all have found a way to respect each other and possibly retain something positive of the relationship, even if we no longer spent time together?
It’s odd that we hardly flinch when it comes to dropping actual bombs on each other (the ultimate ‘conflict’), but most people WILL NOT tell the truth in their personal relationships. With communication so easy to conduct with our cell phones, text messaging, chats, emails, social media… it’s strange that people don’t do more of it.
In my opinion, this goes against everything that is truly “natural” for us humans. We are wired to continue to expand and grow. Our sexuality and our relationships are significant ways for us to do both.
Why do you suppose we all (usually) have the urge to merge with another body, sexually? It’s not just so we can have children… (If you believe that, I do apologize for ruffling any feathers with this statement). Why do you suppose we are keen on being with like-minded people? It’s not because we don’t enjoy our own company… it’s because in relationships, we force each other to stretch and grow. We physically thrive on them and they are good for us!
Both sexual and platonic relationships satisfy a SLEW of important requirements for our health and longevity, but they are also a deep resource into our spiritual health.
Our neural pathways are wired to support our ongoing health and both befriending and loving others are wired into our basic, fundamental make up… The same pathways are also wired towards truth (this is the cornerstone of your spiritual body).
When you don’t allow Truth to be your center point, you basically are encouraging, or allowing ‘dis-ease’ to emerge.
If each of us becomes MORE of who we really are, we provide the Universe with greater expansion. This means more growth, more ways to combat our collective difficulties, more options for new ideas to bubble through and come into form… This could go on indefinitely. But here we are, stopping this amazing process with our distorted need not to “hurt anyone” or in some cases our need to be “right”.
Cowardice is the primary motivator in this disappearing act, although there are times when it appears different than that. Sometimes a friend will build a case against you in order to feel justified in their actions of abandoning your relationship with them. At it’s root, leaving someone with no explanation is simply a missed opportunity for everyone.
The opposite of fear is love, so when you are actually being loving, you may have to say things to others that could hurt them a bit. But a small amount of criticism is far better than outright abandonment. Additionally, the relationship has a chance of being retained and everyone growing, becoming better because the love of truth provides new awareness to your life. You can work on being a better friend, rather than continuing to behave in ways that are negative. Criticism can be a mighty rough experience, yet when someone you care for offers their perspective about something you may have done you can shift and grow into a better version of yourself.
Here’s a challenge for you to do with a partner:
- Write down 6 things you LOVE about them.
- Write down 1 thing you DON’T LOVE about them.
Now, face each other and one partner tells the other all the things they LOVE about them, holding back the one quality you love the most. Take turns with this.
Next do the same thing but share the negative.
Allow this to sink in and ask yourself if what they have offered to you as “the negative” is true – for you. Discuss it a bit, feel what you feel and allow the conflict to offer you something positive, if you can.
Finally, tell each other what the most endearing aspect of each other is and complete your time of sharing.
Notice if you feel like the world has come to an end because of the negative, or if you were able to take in everything. There were many more positive aspects shared then the one negative. Honestly, it may be difficult to come up with something negative so don’t force that, just be willing to offer something helpful to your partner and try to complete this exercise. You’ll likely find that you are more aligned to a sense of connection between each other, than not.
Practice at being honest is a good idea. We are all conditioned to avoid conflict and for some it’s more prominent than for others. It will not feel completely natural or comfortable to do it, but any new skill takes time and practice to master.
Ultimately, all of us will stumble with the truth. It’s important to make an effort, though. If you take it upon yourself to serve your truth, you will grow and keep finding out more of what you’re made of. Love comes in many forms, so does kindness. Determine how you will relate with people. Will you be true or not?
As Gandhi said, “Be the change you want to see in the world”. Trust that the world will be a far better place with you being a better, more truthful version of yourself… Your own life will be enriched, as you show others how to do the same.
” i hepping”
Over the past many years, I didn’t have to consider traveling because I couldn’t. Between work & my ginormous family … there wasn’t time. In the past few years, I have had many more opportunities to travel… and taken them.
Last fall I did manage to go to Malta (a tiny island country, off the coast of Sicily in the Mediterranean), which was something I have dreamt of for many years. This trip was inclusive of planes, trains and automobiles and gave me abundant sisters to share life with, as well as a journey into our herstory. An amazing trip for me and rare…
But most of the time, I’m a road warrior who travels the western states of America.
Both of my cars are fashioned with all the necessary accoutrements to make such travel enjoyable. Lots of water, good snacks, a big cooler with goodies, gum, nuts, morning coffee and all the fixings for that, books on tape and great music to listen to. I try to take different routes if I’m going to a place I’ve been before, because the journey is so much more fun when the scenery is new.
And usually, my destination is somewhere that some or all of my children are.
The years of raising them up were a lot of things, but mostly exhausting… Of course, I loved them all more than I can express… BUT man oh man… what a bunch of demanding little monsters.
Then older kids.
…. and then – They’re OFF!
In a perfect world, they would’ve been “OFF”, but mostly my kids were boomerangs. They’d go out into the big, bad world… and shoot right back to my place to lick their wounds and figure out what they wanted to do next. Or they couldn’t make enough money for Santa Cruz’s ridiculous cost of living, so against even their own desires, come back to live with ‘mom’.
One of the many meals we have together when we connect… Even Rob was in Santa Cruz for a day or so my last trip!!
Finally, they are all fairly settled in their lives and on their own. My husband (my dearest and best friend) and I have moved to what I’ve named, The Back of Beyond. This is a place that feels completely foreign, while at the same time perfect. This place is perfect for me to grow into the next phase of who I really am.
Still, this is not like anywhere I’ve ever lived before; remote & just a bit harsh … so I travel often. Not necessarily to to go “places”, but I do to the people who have peppered my heart with their love for most of my life.
Just this past weekend, I took the opportunity to see my youngest daughter and her family who live on Maui but were visiting her partner’s family in SoCal for a few days. In 48 hours I traveled over 1000 miles for a few hugs, kisses and distracted conversations with them… and because of my Salukis, I couldn’t linger there.
Southern California is pretty hot this time of year, so my usual stopping along the way to run them wasn’t possible. The ground actually burns their foot pads! Not only that, they could expire if left in the car… so I couldn’t really just relax with everyone, but had to keep checking on my athletic dogs – who were slowly losing their minds from inactivity… This trip was not an easy one for me (or the dogs)!
During the drive there I was anticipating just seeing & holding my grandbabies… There’s no agenda about it, other than the gift of being around them, noticing how they are with the world and basically witnessing them in person. Sure, there is a feeling of “I don’t want them to forget me”, but it’s fleeting. My daughter assures me that they won’t… and I trust her. Still that’s emotion is in there… it’s just not very strong.
Honestly, I don’t want to miss their day to day growth, but life has taken me away from them and them away from me. And these people are a significant source that support and stimulate what’s most important to me.
My ability to grow in love towards everyone.
First my own children showed me who I was being and how to be better, now my grand babies do that. All young children generally present themselves honestly and with purity, so being around any child is a tremendous gift. Yet I’m aware that these precious, little, direct descendants of mine provide amazing clarity to me. They are also a ton of fun to be around!!
What’s most important is that which brings new perspectives and possibilities into our experience. Mentally, spiritually and emotionally. There is a kind of resonance that I feel with my grandchildren that goes right into my soul, awakening areas of myself even more.
It’s like silent yoga for the heart and brain…
My sense is that the love we naturally have for our own children is simply transferred down the line. Regardless of the biological elements, I believe that this phenomenon would exist for adopted children as well. It’s our own sense of responsibility towards others that gives our souls the opening for expanded states of love. It’s easy with the babies, so I’ve been using these relationships to further determine my love for all human beings.
Through my family, “what’s most important” is to share myself with them. By extension, I’m literally practicing showing up for everyone – which remains my dominant intent this lifetime. During and throughout my lifetime (so far) many people haven’t always been so lovely towards me. I’ve experienced violence, betrayal, objectification, cruelty, indifference, abandonment, “not enough” and jealousy. These things are all a part of my personal experience. If I let all those negative experiences dominant my perspective, my hermit like behavior would be laced with true resentment and negativity.
BECAUSE of my children, I’ve been able to override all that and be ‘present in the moment’. That has made all those negative experiences more like water off a duck’s back, rather then defining or determining events.
BECAUSE of my grandchildren it’s gotten richer.
You see, I don’t have to be physically responsible to them (their parents get to do that) so it’s a lot less cluttered and a whole lot more pure. Because I simply get to share in their discoveries and expressions, the responsibility to them to for me to really ‘see’ them and enjoy it.
Such great practice for any person who is determined to make a difference.
All of us have the opportunity to be loving to others, but most of us have to work at it. Think about this week’s tragedy in Charleston, SC. For me it conjured up a slew of judgement towards small minded and racist people. Having just spent time with two of my grand children, I luckily had a significant moment of pause when I heard about the killings in SC.
Someone posted something on Facebook about the young shooter (it was about being forgiving) and my first reaction was incredibly strong, negative and angry and the opposite of the flavor of that particular post.
“Who could do something like that?!” “What kind of upbringing did this boy have?!” “What kind of monster does something like this!?”
Coda’s perfect little hand, weeks after birth… perfection.
All alone, crying in anger and frustration I literally heard in my head, “Calm down… bring the love up and it will heal your pain.”
My brief time with my children and their children GAVE me the ability to remember who I am, rather than allow the angry feelings to take hold. Literally, I felt my grandson’s tiny hand on my chest as I cradled him in his sleep and everything shifted.
What a relief!
We all have options and they exist continuously. We can opt to be angry. We can choose to be small minded and scared. We can jump on the band wagon with the millions of other people and take a negative or judgmental position — OR — We can remember that nothing has ever been solved with aggression or anger. All of us know this to be true, but mastery in life requires that you turn away from the common and understandable response and step into the uncommon and misunderstood response to it.
Being loving… even towards someone who commits the crime.
It may be a small crime, like someone being dishonest with you or a huge one like the young boy who took 9 people’s lives the other day. Either way, love is the only solution in any situation and most people fear that isn’t enough. It is.
My traveling around so much has great benefit to me, especially because there’s a deeper purpose to my actions. This week, it proved to be a tremendously valuable action. My long weekend of driving in the hot sun gave me the ability to shift quickly to what’s most important… and that added a tiny layer of healing to the world. In a single moment, I chose to be loving and disengage from emotions that were about to hurt and limit me.
I was able to genuinely offer love out to the world and everyone in it.
What’s most important?
As we get towards the end of this Mercury Retrograde time, we all need a moment to investigate what’s happening. For me, the noise in my brain has been loud and I’m aware that nothing new has occurred to create the noise, but loads of things from prior life experience have certainly come up for review.
This is the way of Mercury’s backwards (apparently) motion. Review, regroup and don’t forget – renew.
Mercury retrograde is a lot like cleaning out ‘that’ kitchen drawer – you know, that one that seems to hold all the shit you don’t know where to put, so you drop it in there. That one.
One day you are trying to find something and venture into the drawer and get caught up with a mad frenzy of clearing it out. You find all manner of junk, but there are also some things in there that are precious. Generally, you’ll be able to root out the junk and get rid of it. The jewels are put back in there, or maybe – just maybe, you’ll put that precious item somewhere more available for use. Maybe into your current tool box of great items to use.
Within us, we have jewels that we rarely use. We are all potentially hiding our gifts for some reason and they stay hidden away and even forgotten. The most valuable jewel you have is your ability to love. It’s your birthright, to feel & share love… Most of us give or receive our love with conditions. Something along the lines of;
- I’ll love you if… (or “you’ll love me if… “)
- You can have this if… (or “I can have this if… “)
- I’ll share this with you if… (or “You will share this with me if…”)
Why? Why are we so compelled to be stingy with our love or believe we need to do something to be worthy of love coming our way (or resources, or companionship, etc.)? Why must we only share or receive it when we feel that it’s reasonable to do so, rather than have our most precious jewel of love out there for everyone to enjoy and KNOW that we are more than lovable and good?
Because we are afraid, that’s why.
The other day I noticed that I felt really withdrawn, super tired and even a bit irritable. My dogs were needy, but that’s nothing new. The cat bugged me… she kept crying for more food (maybe because the fucking dogs eat her’s up all the time) and any time the phone rang I snorted. “Who needs what now?!”
This was the noise in my head.
It was so striking that I took a moment to sit with my feelings and inquire. Rather than keep going down the road I found myself on, I asked myself – “what are you feeling and why?”
One thing I know is that my thoughts create. They are powerful elements of life and I knew that none of these negative thoughts would create anything I wanted. Especially since the planets were moving in such a way to highlight my unconscious mind, I took the time to investigate.
What I found was clear… even though I work tirelessly on myself, my attitude and my life, the sense of being overwhelmed with others (even though NO ONE IS HERE) was a very old feeling. It stems from my life as a young girl, then a young mother and more recently as an employee for a major company.
There certainly was a thread, but NONE of these realities are active right now. My sisters are all grown up with kids and grandkids of their own. I’m no longer responsible to them. My children are also grown and have their own families, so my involvement on a daily basis is marginal. And my job was eliminated, so I no longer have to deal with that job… Yet, here I was put out and pissed off by the phone ringing & our animals having needs!
Rather than focusing on how I felt, I transitioned to focusing on what I WANTED TO FEEL. It was elusive at first, but as I focused on peaceful relations with others, acceptance of everything, trust in my life’s path, an abundance of love, resources and possibilities… Magically, my heart lifted.
No matter how much I’ve grown, my human sense of being put out or put upon by outside things remains intact, albeit not as obvious. Little by little and over many years, I’ve developed better habits of thought and methods for being accountable – but the frequency (or energy) of release helps me do a little more… OR if I wanted to wallow in my negative thoughts, I could do that too. The other day I chose to work my way out of it and bring out my shiny jewel of love and use that.
All this work on ourselves is for ourselves. It’s not so that other people like us, or that we are able to get something. Hell, when I look around my life I am aware of numerous others who feel quite negative about me…
Clearly, working at the level of the soul does not mean that our community will feel good about us… At times, said efforts will do that opposite. When your light is shining and you’re following your inner wisdom, many will absolutely run screaming from you. They will make you wrong and often build a massive case against you so they feel better about disliking you, or no longer relating with you.
Doing your soul’s work and being loving is not so that other people accept you, it’s actually developing unconditional love for you! This, in turn, makes you capable of honestly loving others, even when they are unkind to you. Practicing this can move mountains in your life because it forces you to be accountable.
Everything you have is a function of your beliefs, thoughts and actions. Sometimes what you have is obvious, but a lot of the time it’s not clear, unless you can truly listen to the noise in your head – the negative self talk – and take responsibility for what you’re hearing. In noticing your thoughts, you can shift much easier than if you simply feel that you “get” to be upset.
Why should I be pissed at my pets??! They are so authentic and pure. They love me even when I’m acting strange, being distracted, forgetting to put their food out, cuddle with them or take them for a good walk. They don’t change how they respond to me at all, so why – other than some lurking garbage in my consciousness – would I respond to them with irritation??
As for the people in your life, that’s also the same. Why should you get hot and bothered by people ignoring you, not calling you back, asking for help or even wiping you out of their life? Everyone is free to feel and think what they want and it’s none of our business what that may be, even if it’s personal.
If you get up in front of 30 people and share yourself, you’ll have 30 different reputations at the end of that chat. Not one, but 30! Everyone sees you through their particular lens and you have nothing to do with that. If their lens is cloudy with fear and anger, they will see you that way. If their lens is clear and clean, they’ll see you through that. Your work is to be clear and clean for yourself no matter what anyone else believes about you.
This is not easy, but it is simple.
On June 11th, Mercury goes direct, meaning that officially Mercury is no longer retrograde. You have a few days to work on yourself a little bit more with the wonderful energy of review. Without seeing your patterns or habits of thought, releasing them and/or changing them, you honestly won’t grow much. You may be able to shift for a few weeks, but without really accepting that you could ‘let that idea go’, you will definitely fall back into your bad habits of thought in short order.
Why not make this week matter and take advantage of these last few days of renewal?
For myself, I’m currently putting away all our stuff and finding positions and DRAWERS for everything. It’s a metaphor for me, all this organizing. Even though it’s a bit lonely here with all my human relationships changing, my relationship with Source sustains me… It points me back to self love – always.
My life, your life, our lives are not separate. We can learn from each other, love each other and grow together… OR we can allow our beliefs, attitudes, presumptions and conditions to separate us.
You get to choose!
In my opinion, being loving is the purest form of activism one can make. All the outrage and anger about the myriad of things that we do “wrong” is less productive than making the commitment to love purely. When we keep an eye on expanding our Universe with our love… forgiving all the perceived ‘wrongs’ we have suffered and being true to our divine nature… Well, that’s powerful!
And… it means that the junk drawer you have might just get cleaned out today!!