The past few months have been a struggle for me on the physical. Where I’ve enjoyed years, no, a lifetime of excellent health, these past few months have provided for me an experience of something difficult, chronic and somewhat morbid challenge, even though what I suffered with was merely an issue with the skin of my right hand.
It’s not like I’ve been struggling with some heinous internal affair where one of my organs was failing, but what I was dealing with slowed me down considerably… and I’m unsure if it’s actually “over”.
Today I’m experiencing a respite from the constant pain and itching of my skin and in it’s place clear skin, supple and lustrously beautiful in comparison. There’s a tenuous feeling overriding this reprieve, as it’s been accomplished using strong steroids applied not only directly to my skin, but via pills for a week prior … The resulting clear skin feels wonderful, but periodically I’m quite concerned with whether it’s just a mask and not really a cure.
They say there’s no cure for what I have, we can only manage the symptoms to help whoever suffers from it a break in the difficulty. Then there’s the school of thought that indicates a deeper issue involving one’s liver which is always the source of any skin problem.
I have to say that I’m not convinced about anything, one way or another… as I truly believe that what ails me is deeply energetic in nature and not actually physical at it’s core.
Why is this my experience? What could be at the root of my particular issue?
Fuckery at it’s finest… (I believe)
Once I realized that what made me tick… a few years ago… and that I was different than other people… it was a crisis more than an exciting revelation. I realized that I was prone to hearing other people’s inner voices, so I’d been somewhat muddled over the years deciphering what was coming into my head. Shit, again… what a trip!
Sometimes scared, sometimes angry or sometimes victimized… literally, all kinds of truly negative responses had been my experience in life… But always, what overrode those numerous negative life experiences, was my ability to be joyful and grateful.
I often wondered why I hadn’t turned into a more unpleasant person, due to the extreme things that had occurred or happened to me … Then a few years ago… and due to incredible emotional and practical suffering – my consciousness broke apart and my true nature was revealed to me.
Fast forward a few years and here I am… still human (shit, shit, shit) and wondering why, oh why, are humans are so angry? What (if anything) can be done about all that?!
We have the world at our feet & can create anything we’d like, if we could only just remember who we are. Instead, most of us take life way too seriously, react to everything and frankly, it’s a problem.
If I’d allowed these last 5 years of skin difficulties slow me down the way they were intended to do, I’d be a puddle instead of a maverick… but I remain, at this point a tenuous but willing being committed to being my whole self.
I’m not suffering tonight with itching, cracking, painful skin… in fact I’m blooming after having cleared out several people’s weird agreements (spiritual teacher that I’ve become). The work was so productive that these clients feel more themselves tonight and are delivering that beauty out to the world.
Not a bad job, I dare say, and I believe it’s worth considering what’s keeping you from expressing the totality of you?