Some of us ‘do’ things to feel more connected…. run, lift weights, dance, sing, cook… I write.
When I was younger, I started journaling to deal with my life, you know… look at it deeper than just view the surface tension. The tension of life was due to 5 kids running around my ankles. Now they have mostly grown up and no longer do that… but fill my life with incredible joy, as people being present in my life. Really present. All the years of ankle biting monsters was worth the effort. My job was to help them grow up. I did that.
Another element of tension that brought me to write was the nature of my relationships to other people; my husband at the time, friends, or people who I thought were that and even acquaintances… no matter how I looked at the world around me I just found that I didn’t “get it”. People were not so nice most of the time, but striving to better themselves on others’ backs. Dismal state of perspective I had back then.
Now, writing has taken on a different slant. Life is no longer about what’s wrong, but what good and right in the world. Most of my writing isn’t even mine, anyway… but messages from something broad and amazing… (www.hanash-tyrasea.tumblr.com). So I write that here and there. Today, I feel that I really could use a bit of this writing practice for a number of reasons.
When I read the news I think it may be best to simply snuff myself out and get it over with! Really!! What possibly could be more ridiculous than trying to make sense of life through the media.
Someone said once, “Our media is completely dysfunctional… it went from reporting the news, to creating it.” This I agree with. In some small way, my writing may be the only way to manage how empty it can be – relating to the world around me with any sense of connection is just too difficult.
Presently, the buzz in the news is about a young man who has stuck his neck out about how the government (our US government) has all our private details available to it and is systematically invading our privacy.
I’m not discounting how brave and even reckless it was for him to do that… Snowden’s life is forever changed… but did anybody really think that we have any privacy to begin with. Shit, someone who’s wired like me can find out just about anything about other people, if they wanted to (I don’t want to at all, btw). That our lives are “private” is a complete illusion.
Last weekend I traveled to the wilderness with my husband and our salukis. It was meant to be a quick trip away where we could simply be with our little family and enjoy being. We did that, but something more remarkable happened than just that. It was like my antennae went up again. For a number of years I have a ringing sensation in my head, some may think it’s a medical issue, but I know differently…. It’s how I hear the sound of Source. When it’s strong, I like it… feels good, rather than upsetting to me – and I welcome it. If it was something negative (like a runny nose), well, I know I wouldn’t be feeling the way that I feel about it.
While I was gone, the sound of Source got really loud. Something about the silence of my surroundings or just the fact that whatever it is that runs through my form had more play time… and I was more in touch with it.
Being aware has it’s wonders, but it can also be a great burden. If you really get that there isn’t anything to defend against, you are still left being accountable – at times – for the ignorance or lack of accountability of others. What I mean by that is if you have something in your experience that really is “not fair”, true accountability means that you accept you have a part in it, or you wouldn’t be experiencing it. Then, in being clear and maybe even making amends to another, it’s rare that the other person will even remotely be aware that they also had a significant part in whatever went wrong. Your tongue will be bloody from biting it.
No excuses. No explanations. You simply accept your part and continue to do your best to do better.
The culture that you live in can be fairly insulated; where you work, or your immediate family… not much other than those sorts of communities. You may have a bit of an extended social community as well, but truly everyone’s life is fairly close in even though we are all very much connected and affected by each other. Therefore your personal culture has elements of dysfunction throughout, unless everywhere in your life people are working on being integrated – soul/personality. Personally, I have never seen this anywhere.
Where I often spend my time, on a daily basis, is SO dysfunctional… it’s crazy. Yesterday I got the full dose of how bad it really is and I wished I had stayed in the mountains most of the day. Then, I got home and reflected on what my part was and got to see a number of ways I can improve myself. Making amends wasn’t difficult and I felt clear that it was a good thing for me to do. It may not change the nature of the company I work for and it’s also likely that no one I work with will value my commitment to serving truth, but I KNOW that I can always do better and will do that. There’s great power in accountability, but it’s not that easy to do.
For today, I will be like this stream… the water just flows over all the obstacles and remains – water… Fluid, flexible, committed to the true path it’s on with faith and confidence. That is my determination today.
Oh, and I have to say that there’s comfort in knowing that few will read this other than the government, so I will state here…
I still really appreciate my president, Barack Obama.