The Muse ~
When Source is A Resource – Gunner the Great Part 5
Some months have gone by since my last entry into this chronicle of Gunner’s life. He’s already more than 5 months old and in all honesty, these months have felt far longer, while they also felt like they were rushing by - like a train. It is almost August, now... so deep summer here in AZ and my husband and I are anchored into our drama free life in the desert. Gunner is now home on Maui! His parents are elated and, initially they were a bit frightened by the immensity of what was before...
One Step to Another – Gunner the Great Part 4
When I was barely 22, I became a mother for the first time. The few years before, my life had been quite difficult. Between the ages of 14-20 a lot happened; my parents divorced, my sisters and I went to multiple schools, suffered multiple moves, experienced constant betrayal, parental (father) abandonment occurred and I experienced abuse, rape and assault. One of those events could’ve been enough to throw a sheltered, entitled kid from the SF Bay Area into a life long trauma response, so...
And The Tears Will Flow Part 3 – Gunner the Great
The night of February 18th was a long one. Initially, I was full of elation with the arrival of my grandson, Gunner. Then I had complete, gut wrenching sorrow at the news he could not live. The bulk of that night was sleepless for me and I left my ranch early in the morning to catch a flight out to Oahu. Although I had already booked a flight to Maui for February 23rd, I bought another ticket for the next flight out of Flagstaff without canceling the first one. No time to do that. At first, I...
“I Can Do Hard Things” Gunner the Great Part 2
The common desire we all have is we want peace in our lives; physically and emotionally. Because of that desire, we tend to shy away from pain and suffering, yet sometimes shit happens and you find yourself in the middle of an emotional and physical nightmare. This was my experience a few months back. At the time, I realized how quickly the soul steps in, rallying to support you when you are shocked into a reality you can’t fathom. As my daughter’s new boy was whisked off to another island in...
The Journey of Faith – Gunner the Great Part 1
On February 18th, 2022 Gunner James was born. His parents, Sarah & Jacob, had tried for 8 years to get pregnant, surviving through numerous and grueling IVF treatments that gave them several pregnancies, but the same number of miscarriages. They had one more embryo and this was their last chance. To say he was welcomed into his parents’ lives - is a massive understatement. Yet, we (the women of our family) were scared... with no reason. We had a sinking feeling we couldn’t shake, couldn’t...
Being Wrong
October 2020 Over the years of life, the one thing I continue to find is that I am often incorrect about what’s ‘right’ and what’s ‘wrong’. Generally, given time and faith, the truth will emerge, but generally it’s difficult to be honest and people will hang on to what they believe, spread rumors as fact and keep narratives alive about someone’s character, long after they have outgrown something. As a young mother of 5 in the middle of the 90’s, I finally decided to leave my marriage. There...
The New Psychics 2018
December 19, 2018 This year, 2018, is coming to a close. My lover and I took to the western to midwestern highways for a visit to his family and I’ve had a lot of time to reflect on this past year, which has been many things. Several of my children have had impactful and harrowing times of depression, illness, loss and betrayal (when one has many children, there are a lot more opportunities for growth). There are a number of people I’ve known for many years, who I've discovered, are not people...
Transform Pain to Love
February 19, 2018 Another school shooting just happened… just like the many, many school shootings lived through directly (if your kid attended, was injured or killed in it), or vicariously and now viscerally as fellow Americans feeling the empathy multiplied by zillions for the families of the many schools where people are being shot to death at an alarming rate. When Newtown happened, I though for sure we’d do something… those victims were mere babies… But no. Still crickets and ridiculous...
Is Being an Outcast So Bad?
February 18, 2018 Recently, I read a book by Brene Brown, “Into the Wilderness”. Dr. Brown is a social scientist, which means she does a lot of research to confirm how us human creatures actually feel. She hits the nail on the head about the Wilderness. It’s the lost, alone, “I’m always disconnected” place most people experience — some of us more than others — and generally where we make stories up about who we are but also a place where our truth lives. A few months ago I experienced a ‘deep...
Red – Another Saluki We Love, Who Died Too Young
APRIL 24, 2017 Not sure where to start this. My heart is so heavy, yet in a way I was prepared for this day. How does one prepare for the unthinkable? Time & awareness were my tools for this preparation. We knew our Red dog was suffering and we were fighting for his life to continue, yet it didn’t. He died on Earth Day. It’s taken me a few days to settle into this reality, even though I was right there when he died. Just me and a few strangers were witness to his simply falling over and...